How To Be Annoying
Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others
that you "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Wear your pants backwards.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait,
I messed it up", and repeat.
Drive half a block.
Name your dog "Dog".
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Ask people what gender they are.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big
one comes".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar"
or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian
name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental
processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll
be saying more any moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
I believe -
. . . that just because two people argue, it
doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe -
. . . that we don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.
I believe -
. . . that no matter
how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe -
. . . that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe -
. . . that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I believe -
. . . that it's taking me a long time to become
the person I want to be.
I believe -
. . . that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe -
. . . that you can keep going long after you
think you can't.
I believe -
. . . that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I believe -
. . . that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I believe -
. . . That heroes are the people who do what
has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe -
. . . that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe -
. . . that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I believe -
. . . that sometimes the people you expect to
kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe -
. . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the
right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe -
. . . that maturity has more to do with what
types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe -
. . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven
by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe -
. . . that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe -
. . . that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe -
. . . that you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe -
. . . two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I believe -
. . . that your life can be changed in a matter
of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe -
. . . that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I believe -
. . . that credentials on the wall do not make
you a decent human being.
I believe -
. . . that the people you care about most in
life are taken from you too soon.